Reading Joshua, Chapters 7-9

Dear Lord,

Reading these passages, I realize how very little I know. I realize I want you to accept us on our good intent. I want you to say that you will not punish us if we are mistaken and inadvertently do wrong, that we will not suffer the consequences of our actions. I want you to spare those who I call innocent. I realize I want to bend you to my will instead of bending me to yours. I realize how very foolish and weak I am. I am momentarily humbled, though I know I will bounce back and forget that it is you who are God, not I.

I have to know that life is not pretty, that those I call innocent will know pain and sorrow, that life is fraught with danger, that our sins have consequences, that there is no such thing as punishment only for the sinner. The consequences have a ripple effect.

I cannot even begin to express what I think or feel as I read these Old Testament passages. All I can do is bow down before you and ask for your mercy on us. All I can do is beg you not to make my loved ones suffer the consequences of my sins. All I can do is ask you to make the world a safer place.

And at the end of my insufficient understanding, I only slightly understand what you did for us in Jesus. Understanding only a little of how far into error we are, I begin to see how much you love mankind that you give us a way of escaping your eternal disappointment in us, and your wrath, in Jesus. I begin to see that you know we can never measure up to your holy standard, so you did it yourself on our behalf. And I give you my inadequate thanks. I give you all the glory. We live our sinful lives, and you give us your holiness in Jesus. When you look at us in Jesus, you see yourself.

Have mercy, Lord. Thank you for what you did. Thank you for your great love that is more than I can fathom. Thank you for giving us the way out, through faith and trust in Jesus.

Forgive us and protect us. Hold us close. Don't let us go.

In Jesus' name, I pray.

Confessions

I confess my sins:

I confess that I love my neighbor as myself only when it suits me, when my neighbor is like me, when I feel empathy toward my neighbor, when my neighbor is of my race, when my neighbor doesn't dress hoity-toity, when my neighbor behaves the way I think he or she should, when my neighbor agrees with me, when my neighbor is of my economic status, ... when it suits me. Lord, have mercy on me, a poor miserable sinner.

I confess that I am swayed by jealousy and envy, that I have unkind thoughts about those who have what I want for myself, things I do not have. Lord, have mercy on me, a poor and miserable sinner.

I confess that I am tempted to be depressed and do nothing about it. Lord, have mercy on me, a poor miserable sinner.

I confess that I judge others when they sin in ways I think I don't and that I have compassion on them only when I catch myself in a sin. I am prejudiced against those who sin, Lord, and I find myself thinking I am better than other sinners. I confess that I am in error in these thoughts. Lord, have mercy on me, poor miserable sinner that I am.

I confess that I sulk when I think I am being neglected or overlooked or when I am lonely.  Lord, have mercy on me, poor miserable sinner that I am.

I confess that I use a false sense of pride to separate myself from others. I confess that this is a defense mechanism and serves no useful purpose for me, for you, or for the greater good of anyone. I confess this is lack of humility, and it is useless. I confess this is my fault, my very own fault. Forgive me Lord and teach me a better way. Lord, have mercy on me, poor miserable sinner that I am.

For these things (and those things I add) are my failings. I ask you  Lord, in the name of beloved Jesus, that you forgive and lead me in the paths of your righteousness ...

Psalm 51 (From ESV)

10 Create in me a clean heart, O God,
    and renew a right spirit within me.
¹¹ Cast me not away from your presence,
    and take not your Holy Spirit from me.
¹² Restore to me the joy of your salvation,
    and uphold me with a willing spirit.
13 Then I will teach transgressors your ways,
    and sinners will return to you.