Confessions

I confess my sins:

I confess that I love my neighbor as myself only when it suits me, when my neighbor is like me, when I feel empathy toward my neighbor, when my neighbor is of my race, when my neighbor doesn't dress hoity-toity, when my neighbor behaves the way I think he or she should, when my neighbor agrees with me, when my neighbor is of my economic status, ... when it suits me. Lord, have mercy on me, a poor miserable sinner.

I confess that I am swayed by jealousy and envy, that I have unkind thoughts about those who have what I want for myself, things I do not have. Lord, have mercy on me, a poor and miserable sinner.

I confess that I am tempted to be depressed and do nothing about it. Lord, have mercy on me, a poor miserable sinner.

I confess that I judge others when they sin in ways I think I don't and that I have compassion on them only when I catch myself in a sin. I am prejudiced against those who sin, Lord, and I find myself thinking I am better than other sinners. I confess that I am in error in these thoughts. Lord, have mercy on me, poor miserable sinner that I am.

I confess that I sulk when I think I am being neglected or overlooked or when I am lonely.  Lord, have mercy on me, poor miserable sinner that I am.

I confess that I use a false sense of pride to separate myself from others. I confess that this is a defense mechanism and serves no useful purpose for me, for you, or for the greater good of anyone. I confess this is lack of humility, and it is useless. I confess this is my fault, my very own fault. Forgive me Lord and teach me a better way. Lord, have mercy on me, poor miserable sinner that I am.

For these things (and those things I add) are my failings. I ask you  Lord, in the name of beloved Jesus, that you forgive and lead me in the paths of your righteousness ...

Psalm 51 (From ESV)

10 Create in me a clean heart, O God,
    and renew a right spirit within me.
¹¹ Cast me not away from your presence,
    and take not your Holy Spirit from me.
¹² Restore to me the joy of your salvation,
    and uphold me with a willing spirit.
13 Then I will teach transgressors your ways,
    and sinners will return to you.

Genderless

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Am reading Altars of the World, Barbara Taylor Brown, which enriches my walk with God. In my internet browsing afterward, I came across spiritual books by Sue Monk Kidd. She has embraced a feminist theology. I have always been afraid of this because I fear the goal of feminist "theology" is to reinvent God. So much of it seems to be focused more toward feminism (and so am I, to a point) than toward God (which is my ultimate focus). I have no desire to reinvent God. I have known him far too long to want to make him into someone who fits my idea of a perfect god. He is already perfect in ways beyond my comprehension.

If I am to reinvent, I want to reinvent myself into a more Christlike woman. (Actually, this is what Jesus does. I just need to not resist. "Open my eyes, Lord, that I may see. Open my ears, Lord, that I may hear.")

But I do know that I agree that God is genderless. He created us in his image, male and female. I could call God her and be just as correct as calling Her him. God is genderless or at least both genders. In that regard, I, too, am genderless. I always have been in regard to the way I think and identify. I didn't know women were expected to be different and were treated differently until I was a young adult woman and found that the workplace discriminated against women.

Maybe I can tread lightly and gain a little understanding of a feminist's point of view -- Kidd's, that is. I need to remove this fear of "religion for feminists" and look for God in all things, wherever She may be. After all, I should know He is there. (I will stop short of calling God a "goddess." To me, God is sufficient for God, just as man (mankind) is sufficient to include me.

It's time to grow some more. Thank you, Lord, for helping me overcome my prejudices against my own kind. This has been a long journey, Lord, (more that 50 years) to find where I, a woman, fit into your plan. I am blessed to have lived long enough to travel this far. I know I cannot now go back. I am coming forward, and soon I will meet you face to face.

A short thought

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It occurs to me that when I die, I will look back and say "There were things I still wanted to try or do," but in the very next breath I will say "Thank you dear God that I have seen so much, sampled so much, and touched so much," and that will be the absolute truth. God has been so good to me and given me such a blessed life. I am so thankful to know He was there beside me through it all.

Christians and Muslims

Lauren and I have this discussion about the horror happening today brought on by Islamic terrorists. He says, It's their religion. It is violent. I say, But Christianity has had its own violence, too. There is violence in the Old Testament. The Crusades were violent. I say most, or at least many American Islamics want peace.

Now, I think there are two things going on here. Secular thought and religious thought - two universes, in a way, even though there is really only one. There are Christians who want peace and there are Muslims who want peace. Neither of these have to be religious. They are just seeking a moral and peaceful way to live. And within this same world, there are those who will take Islam and Christianity to wage terror on the world. They do not want peace. They do not want God. They want power, annihilation, evil, destruction, control.

Then there is the religious realm. I can't speak to the Muslim way of life, but I expect they are reaching to God for their everyday needs and showing a worshipful obedience to what they know because this is how you live a good and satisfying life. I can't speak to how God sees them.  I think there are Christians like that, too. I can't speak to how God sees them (or us). God handles people the way He handles them. It is not up to me to say what God does. And then there is Jesus and John 3:16, and there is self sacrifice for the Lord, there is loving God with all our hearts and minds and loving our neighbor as ourselves, where we come to the realization that He matters more than we do.

I believe Christianity goes to the very heart of God. I believe Jesus is The Way, The Truth, and The Light. I choose Jesus as the one who brings me to God.

Not well said, but a start to my understanding what I think and believe.

Prayer - Sins against God, Sins Against Man

Most of the confessions I read are confessions of our sins against God, yet I always think of my confession of neglect of God should include any sin I have committed against my neighbor (which includes anyone and everyone in the world, in my mind). Whether sins of omission or commission, sins of thought, word, or deed. I believe this because I think that anytime I have hurt another person or failed to show God's love of another person, I have sinned against what God would want of me.

With this in mind, I confess to you, Lord, that I am, indeed, a poor miserable sinner. It is in my nature to be a sinner. I desire Christ's nature to be in me. I accept forgiveness, because I know I am guilty. My confession includes the part of the Lutheran liturgy where we say, "I have not loved my neighbor as myself."

I know I have no merit in myself. The only merit I can claim is the salvation Jesus offers me, that You offer through the sacrifice of Jesus. I know this to be true, even though in my buoyed ego, I think that I actually deserve something. Forgive me, dear Lord. In my flesh, I am sin.

In my confession, dear Father, dear Son, dear Holy Spirit, I acknowledge that I am not the answer to life's problems. I am not the solution you seek. YOU are. You are the Great I AM, not I. While in my flesh I think I am smart and wise, I truly know that You are the smart and wise one. I repent of my smugness, my egotistic nature, and I turn to you, my God. Teach me to "lean not unto my understanding," but to turn to you continually.

In Jesus' name and for His sake, I pray. Amen.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. - Proverbs 3:5

Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will. - Romans 12:2

Thank you dear Heavenly Father. Thank you for entrusting your Word to me from time to time. May those who heard  be blessed by your Word, not be dragged down by my flesh.

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Morning Prayer, Based on Matthew 6, The Lord's Prayer

Our father, dear father, You who are in heaven, hallowed, blessed, be your name.

May your kingdom come to earth, may your kingdom be among us, may your kingdom live in my heart.

May your will be done in all things. I trust you. I accept your will. I know you will see me through all circumstances. May your will be done on earth as it is in heaven.

Give us this day those things we need ... food, shelter, peace of mind, forgiveness, love of you, love of our neighbor, love of mankind.

Forgive us our debts and trespasses, our unworthiness, our bigotedness, and help us forgive others in the same way. Just as you love us, teach us to love one another.

Protect us when we are tempted. Give us the strength to say "no."  Help us keep our eyes on you.

Deliver us from evil. Protect us from those influences.

I love you, I trust you, with my imperfect human attention span. Keep me in your care.

Amen.
(Based on Matthew 6:9-13)